What I Really Want

When we were young, people would ask us about what we want to be when we grow up. Our answers depended on our parents' coaxing or on what we like watching on TV. Your answers might have been --doctor, teacher, soldier or superhero. Did I guess it right?

This is from my album "Basking In The Sun".

What did I want to be when I was a kid? I can't even remember. My parents never asked me that question nor do I remember anyone asking me. 


But I had very encouraging parents who let me do, pretty much, whatever I wanted. When they saw the potential of me being an artist, they bought me coloring books, watercolors, crayons and left me tons of paper while they were at work and I was left home. My mom didn't even mind scrubbing the walls when I ran out of paper and the walls served as emergency canvass for my artwork. When I started humming tunes and it sounded right, they sent me to study music during school breaks, so I could focus on my god-given talents. And I sung on every school program and joined every school contest. 

One of my works in pencils from last year. 

But did I want all of it? I guess I did. Looking back at how hectic my schedule was as a child, I'd truly think I liked what I was doing. My singing helped me build my confidence. Being on stage and being in tune was already a difficult thing to do, that it opened other opportunities for me, like joining the drama club, the dance club, the art club, the speech club and pretty much everything that tickled my competitiveness.

This is from my album "Basking In The Sun".

When I was growing up and my family moved a lot, all of us in the family had our share of tasks in the house. One of my tasks were cooking. It was something I enjoyed doing. And the more people liked my cooking, the more I did it. I fed the entire neighborhood when I mastered my Chinese noodles recipe.

I have definitely moved on, since I mastered the Chinese noodle recipe to cooking the best Italian.

When people saw what I could do, they all thought I would probably be an artist or a singer or a chef or an actress or a politician or a dancer or ... the list went on and on. But with all these things that I could do, what did I really want to be? I had no idea.

Crafts I learned from Christmas 2010. This is a part of my album "Shabby Chic"

It all started going haywire when I entered college and took up Medical Technology. Who would have ever imagined that? Then people started wondering what I was going to do next. I myself was wondering why I did it. And it took me four years in school, a year in interning in a med. lab. and three months being a hermit to study for the Medical Boards, which I passed and fancied so much, to realize that I did it all for nothing. I didn't want to work in the hospital.


Now I was in a crisis. I didn't know where to go after getting my license as Med. Lab. Scientist. 

This is a part of my album "Shabby Chic"

And after six more years working in an industry, not related to medical science or art, I'm still not in a place where I want to be. And I often find myself wondering what I really want to do. 

This is a part of my album "Shabby Chic"

Last 2008 a very good friend of mine gave me a point and shoot camera as a gift for Christmas. And then I discovered PHOTOGRAPHY.

This is a part of my album "Shabby Chic"

I have had prior exposure to photography. My dad owned a Yashica SLR when I was ten, but I was ordered to stay away from the equipment because it was a gadget my dad was very protective of. And besides, back in the day, you'd spend film roll after film roll to practice photography only to find out the photos were no good after spending for photo processing. So I wasn't so thrilled with photography as much as if you'd put me on stage to sing in front of a huge crowd.

This is a part of my album "Shabby Chic"

But now that I have found \photography, again the same question is asked --Do I want it? Yes I do, ofcourse. It makes me happy and it makes other people happy when they look at my photos.


BUT WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?


I just want to be happy. 

This is a part of my album "Cloud-Watching"

Whatever happened to wanting to be an artist, musician, chef or actress? I have for most of my life been going with the flow, with goals that change after the fulfillment of another. I guess when you get older, you become less adventurous and your wants are reduced to more substantial needs and your sky-high goals are upgraded to the single, most realistic dream of HAPPINESS.